Lava Lamp

Foot tapping fast

Arms folded, lips tight, very cross look.

Carolin Schober is a Mush Mouth

I googled this and found nothing so I am putting it on the record that CNBC Zurich News Coordinator Carolin Schober can not speak properly. For example, she repeatedly pronounces Washington DC, "Washnt." I usually see her on "Way Too Early" which is in fact way too early, therefore I can't remember any more examples of her crazy slurred speech at the moment but there are many, every day. She's bright and attractive but for a news anchor I'd think they would find someone who can fucking enunciate. Thank you.

Chicken Marsala, regular teenager

I have grocery store bitchins, but first I have to mention that the girl at the tanning salon called me sir yesterday.
After dealing with that ego blow, I went to the grocery store.
An attractive older woman who was probably my exact age in the fruit section smiled at me and I said hi. She had breast implants, aka good to look at bad to touch. Moving on, I got all my things; soap, sponges, chicken, scallions, cooking wine. At the register I noticed the same woman next to me. The cashier was a 300lb inbred slovenly retard who thought he should card me for the wine. I handed my driver's license over. Rather than just read the DOB, he got on the loudspeaker, "I have an ID check at register three." Out of state driver's license. I said okay can you handle a military ID? Handed it over. "No," he says, "I have to check this too." The attractive woman glanced at me as if to say, "How embarrassing for you. Any hopes you may have once had are now shot." I wanted to say, "Listen you fat bastard I am 38 and this is cooking wine," but I held my tongue and shot evil glares. The woman left. A 16 year old girl came over, read the DOB on my two forms of ID, and authorized my purchase. Then American Idol's Adam Lambert asked me if plastic would be okay. I said, "I really don't care." Because why would it not be okay? Who cares what kind of bag it is? Next time I am saying "Fuck no its not okay you emo son of a bitch."

Hoisted by my own retard

If you have a new enough iPod, Steve Jobs actually watches you sleep. Momentarily overcame my paranoia, enabled the Genius feature on iTunes. Fun to play with. Massive library, music hides there. VERY Big Brother, though. I'm violated and scared.
Loving the new book. What a brilliant writer, Lionel Shriver. Kevin's essays were GOOD, didn't you think? "My mother goes somewhere else..." I cannot wait for whatever shock is at the end, I've overhyped it to myself.
Good day today despite the Saints win, it seemed to fly by. Not a normal Monday. I thought about a haircut but it's been so hit or miss at the barber lately I didn't want to spoil the day by testing it, will try tomorrow. Taxes I mentioned last week still not done either, the 1040EZ I get, but the 1099 intimidates me. Do I have to report stock market earnings if they are less than a certain dollar amount and they are reinvested? I don't know the answer to that.

Coffee Wagon

I've been watching the food channel all morning, getting hungry. Think I might buy a flank steak and make some steak sandwiches and jalapeno vinagerette coleslaw, mmmmm Paula Dean!! DVR changed my viewing habits, haven't been watching food tv since I left for Japan last year, I miss it!
Shows I'm recording now:
Two and a half men. My friend in Florida told me it was funny and I refused to believe it but once I started watching I liked it. Charlie's brother is a jackass though. This is my filler show if mothing else is on.
Regis and Kelly. That's right. When I get home from work early and I want a morning show I watch this, I think Kelly Ripa is so smart and funny.
Mad Money. Jim Cramer, take it with a grain of salt but he knows more about money than I ever will.
Anthony Bourdain. The new season just started, its on the travel channel.
The Office. I heard Jim maried Pam, missed last season in Japan.
30 Rock. Tina Fey and Alex Baldwin, both brilliant.
Big Bang Theory. Just for Penny.
How I Met Your Mother: I slept on this show for the first few seasons too but the writing is good. Did you see 'The Sexless Inkeeper' last week?
Parks and Recreation: Jury still out on this show. Finger is on the Cancel button.
Men Of A Certain Age: Dad turned me on to it last Christmas, only seen three or four episodes. Very good, no old comments please.
Sell this House: Just for Tanya.
I think that's about it. What's on your DVR?
Bought the Kevin book on Thursday but went straight out for sushi and drinks after work. On Friday I decided to finish my Indian book before I started a fresh one, didn't finish though. I don't like it very much, I'm struggling through. I'll probably go ahead and start the Kevin book today anyway so we can talk about it.
And I figured out my coffee situation. I'm allowed to drink coffee but only in normal amounts and then I brush my teeth asap afterwards. I had been drinking just way too much of it but I think quitting completely is a litle extreme, you only live once as far as I know. I have a guy at work who likes to kiss my butt by bringing me coffee every day, I don't want to burst his bubble. So yeah I've been back off the wagon for the last few weeks.
I have to work tomorrow, boo.

So Heated

Grrrrrr.

Loves the fatties I understand

Saw forward progress today with all that stuff I mentioned about work. This month has been CRAZY I am now a big knotted ball of muscle. Six days left until I'm out of the military or I'm not, some days I think very hard about just getting out. But to do what? I want to live in Europe, I hate American fast food Puritan selfish non-culture. Gadgets and regulations, more to follow. Inconsiderate consumers, me people. Celebrity worship. Fat people. The stereotypes are true, that's why they are.

Running Blind

Wow I don't check my credit card statements as often as I should, with all my bills set up to autopay there's usually no need (wrong). I happened to check it a few months ago while in Japan and I caught a strange charge, so when I came back to the states I followed up and had the charge refunded. It was my renter's insurance from the Florida apartment which I vacated and cancelled two years ago.
Yesterday I had another look at my statement to verify the refund, which was there, and spotted another incorrect charge from a different company! It was for the Boston hotel which I had booked for New Year's Eve but then cancelled. I called them on it and they now promise a refund too. Both of these charges I caught completely by chance, I'm going to start monitoring my statements more closely this means I am one giant step closer to being a grumpy old man.

Oprah cant read

You realize that if I get no comments then I quickly jump to the conclusion that I am alone and I procrastinate indefinitely. They handed me a big shit sandwich at work and I have got my hands full, it's been a long week and I'm pretty sure today is Tuesday. I'm back running PT again, and I'm running four shops. I have to get these people to feel motivated to work even though there's clearly nothing important left to do other than shut it down, and I have to write evals for people who I haven't seen since before Japan. Meanwhile my medical record is lost (the geniuses decided to ship it overseas last november?) so all I've got is the smaller battle record which I took with me to Japan, it is not sufficient to reenlist or to do my sea duty screening for Florida and I'm supposed to get out next week if I don't reenlist. I requested an extention on my end of service yesterday, hopefully this saves me. My transfer package is also due next week and part of that package is the sea duty screening which I can't do and I'm worried that I'll lose my orders if I'm late. The movers are booked for March, and I ordered new vehicle tag registration stickers through the mail. Hopefully that works out, otherwise my tags and my security stickers are going to expire too, then I won't be able to drive on base. And My ID card is going to expire this month and I can't renew until I reenlist. Help me, I need a fully body oil massage and a plate of macaroni and cheese ASAP.
I downloaded one book for the kindle just to see how it works. Jim Cramer's Mad Money. I watch his show sometimes and I was curious about that book. You can also get samples of books free, it has wifi so just go through the kindle, not your computer. Search the title or author and you get reviews of the book and an option to buy or look at a sample. I like that. Reading is different, I read slower on the kindle for some reason and I end up flipping back a page a lot because I haven't worked out the flow of turning the page and still comprehending what that last sentence was. I only got a few chapters deep into it so I don't know if it would hurt my eyes after a while or not, maybe.
I have real books to read first. The FJ Chase book that I read was called "Darkness under Heaven." Is that the one you got? I liked it, but then I started reading another Reacher book which I had missed, "Running Blind," so much better. Great. For Christmas I got that and the new one, "Gone Tomorrow," also a book called "New York" by Edward Rutherfurd and "Reservation Blues" by Sherman Alexie and from Oprah's Book Club "The Story of Edgar Sawtelle" OH YEAH I am saving that one for last on principle. The principle of I AM A MAN.

Missed you in NY

Got back in around 5:00 tonight, exhausted after the hard week of vacation/long drive. Going to bed in exactly 2 minutes. I got a kindle! Will post better tomorrow when I have some energy. Good night!

The best part about Maine is not going outside

It started snowing really hard today, I said what is this now. Finally it stopped, just a dusting and nothing to stop me from getting on the road tomorrow AM. Feeling very sleepy but it is only 6:45 and I still need to wrap everybody's presents and pack a bag for myself. Settled on a last minute gift for my Dad, a nice cable knit sweater and a scarf. Oh, I'm reading a book called Darkness Under Heaven by F.J. Chase (never heard of him) and it's good. Like a Reacher book. FYI. There is lots of food in my refrigerator that is going to go to waste when I leave. I guess I should take care of that tonight too, but I just want to go to bed. SIGH. 580 mile drive tomorrow!

It smells like cookies in here

Right now I'm doing my first batch of laundry since I got back from Japan and it is one big fat load, I definitely procrastinated too long. Ran out of underpants.

Christmas shopping is not done obviously.
Bro: Samurai sword.
Mom: Japanese quilt, a jewelry box and some chopsticks.
Dad: Drawing a blank here.
So far it's a Navy t-shirt and a couple CD's. Bro suggested an absinthe tower. It looks cool but he already has clutter at his bar and I am anti-clutter and I don't know if he wants any absinthe.
I'll be spending Christmas day alone, that sucks. Bro felt he needed jaw surgery in order to get tv jobs so he did that and therefore was not able to take off work for Christmas. We're all going to get together on the 28th or 29th instead, I haven't made any flight reservations so I need nice weather for the long drive and I might stay in the city on the way.

This year I made the rookie mistake of getting totally wasted at the work Christmas party. Apparently I was a lot of fun. Woke up the next day on somebody's couch, not a clue how I got there, felt like ASS. It was one of those oh shit what happened moments. It was like the movie The Hangover, there are pictures of us in a bar clearly having a blast, don't remember going to a bar.

Yesterday I made the best breakfast ever.
Scrambled eggs with sauteed onions and mushrooms and feta cheese sprinkled on top, biscuits and gravy and corned beef hash with the gravy covering that too, bacon, pancakes, and leftover beans from my delicious beans and cornbread recipe. No coffee. Haven't had a cup of coffee since last tuesday. It stains my teeth too much! But its sooo good. I don't know what to do about this situation. Right now my teeth are nice and white I want to keep it that way. Maybe if I brush my teeth immediately after drinking coffee(?) but the logistics of this seem ridiculous. It's exasperating.

Update on the laundry: Definitely dropped my socks and underwear on the ground while going for the dryer. This happens every single time. I am not pleased.

My mail lady is a lazy whore

Still experiencing jetlag, I have trouble staying asleep for more than an hour or two at a time. I kept waking up last night thinking not yet, not yet, then at 3:30 I thought hey why not. Now very sleepy.
Not going home for Christmas, little bro couldn't get the time off work so he's taking New Year's instead, I'll do the same. This sucks because I had hotel reservations in Boston for New Year's Eve! Grrr. GRRRAAAAAK! I'm very tired. Found out today that I'm moving to Florida in April. Have to pack again. Sigh. Eyes burning.

I have a man crush on Willie Geist

Today I was pleased to learn that there is nothing to worry about as far as unemployment or Afghanistan but Tiger Woods is of great concern. It was a snow day, and I did nothing but sit around in my pajamas and drink coffee and watch the news. Beautiful! Obviously they waitied until I drove all the way in before they cancelled work, this is normal. It wasn't even snowing yet this morning when I got there and I laughed at them for cancelling. That is just laziness, I thought. There was not even a hint of snow and it didn't feel that cold, but it hit suddenly on the way home so nobody needs to get fired for now.

It is frikin snowing

Guess I came back just in time, son of a bitch. At least I was able to get my car out of storage and run around town for all my coming home errands before it started. Went for a haircut today and found out that my barber doesn't work there anymore so that was awesome. The new girl did okay, I let her live and I even let her give me a shampoo after. She said we are supposed to get six inches of snow. Pbthththb.