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November 3, 2007
Home stretch
Today is a big day, twenty miles. Such a huge benchmark, if I hit my goal time on this run I know I'll reach my goal in the race three weekends from now. I can't believe I'm going to do it, I'm going to run a marathon!
I stayed in last night and watched a great movie, Knocked Up. It has actors from the Office, Freaks and Geeks, and Superbad. It is so funny, but it made me sad because the guy gets to have a baby and I realized I have no baby. Shit. That is my own fault.
If I hadn't been such a fuckup, if I hadn't made so many bad choices growing up. If I wasn't always so hesitant to make life changing commitments, always holding out for something better, always thinking of tomorrow and never today. Never living for the moment, seizing life. If I had listened to my parents, tried harder in school, got a normal job. Shit I tried to be a professional musician, WTF. Nobody knows that about me now, nobody knows I have any talent whatsoever. I've rejected that whole part of me. There was a line in the movie, treat your life like a novel where you are the hero, something like that, live and enjoy the moment etc. I'm trying that. Not that I haven't enjoyed my life. I've had too much fun, I enjoyed it too much. I've done a lot of stuff, a lot of crazy stuff, but where am I now?
I'm going to run it out. One of my mental tricks for running long distances, I just think of all my mistakes and it outweighs the physical pain of the moment, I get mad enough that I won't let myself stop running.
Posted by K
Comments
Is it really good? I've been wanting to see that movie! Why are you so down? By all appearances you have a great life. And why are you taking that movie so seriously?
I just painted L's room pink. It looks really good. I think I will paint my room orange. I will eat first then paint. I plan on staying up all night if I have to. That room has to be painted tonight. I hope the orange looks good. I will send you pictures when it is done if you are interested in seeing it. I haven't eaten all day and I feel like passing out now. I am also drinking wine which is probably not a great idea. Baby is spending the weekend with her granparents and that makes painting a lot easier. I am starving! And I have to clean out my closets this weekend. Ugh. I have too much clothes. Email if you like.
Did you do your run? Did it help your melancholy? And anyway, you said you swore off women so why are you being like that? Maybe you should try dating. Wasn't there some girl at a bar couple of weeks ago who thought you were cute?
Posted on November 3, 2007 10:34 PM